December 2011
20 posts
“you are beautiful. how old r u? r u in collage? i like to read. i like to cook....”
– Sigh. I sat here staring at the keyboard for a good while, looking at the locations of the E and A key to see if there might be a reasonable explanation for such an epic spelling fail. Honestly, though, compared to what most of my inbox is full of this guy did send me a very kind message. So,...
“WASSUP MA” HOW WE DOING TODAY HOLLA AT THE KID?”
– I am baffled by your choice of punctuation.
“damn you are sexy as hell haha do you have a facebook or soemthin”
– I am swooned by your eloquent and respectful words!
“i like ur smile, don’t stop beautiful.”
– I’ll try not to. People do make me frown sometimes, though.
“baking — BAKING”
– BAAAAKKKKIIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGGG!!!!! …baking?
…bacon.
“hey. smell my nuts?”
– People like you really exist, huh?
“i consider mysefl an artistic fellow as well :D instead of painting i paint with...”
– You misspelled the word ‘myself’. Sorry, rather, you “misspainted” it. And, with you being a poet and all, I am confused by your poor sentence structure.
“Those are some sexy tootsies you have there. You do a lot of walking with those...”
– Now, I can’t even say that I’m 100% certain that I know what he’s talking about here…
“hola, we go out fri nite? meow”
– Clearly, he’s a purrfect gentleman.
Im single, looking for true love with vegan. I...
This one was sent to me a while back. I don't think it was going to work out, I'm 5 inches taller than him and am most certainly not a claim and quite vegan.
"HEY SWEETIE,YOU SEEM LIKE SOMEONE I CAN TALK...
Nah, I ain’t mad because you, sir, are a comedic genius. I like you’re style, too, ‘cause you have no time for spaces after punctuation marks. Makes everything sound more urgent. I can just picture you now, interrupting your complimenting my breasts by ardently inquiring if I was mad about your complimenting my breasts.
"can I watch you sleep?"
WHAT?!?!?!?! I've heard some lines before but, MAN, I had trouble just falling asleep after I got this one. Here's a hint, fellow net daters, keep it light. For instance, "Hello, my name is such and such. Blah, blah, blah".
“Can we pleasefuck”
– What’s that? Oh I see what happened there, I believe there is supposed to be a space between please and fuck. Keyboard sticky much? GTFO, guy.
"hey, sexy ears"
You've got to be fucking kidding me.
“Hello there! Could you build me a house, please?”
– How about some coffee first?
"wats gd cutie"
OMG wtf do u evn meen?
“I luv ur pic, please date me…”
– Followed by telephone number and facebook information. No hello, no attempted conversation, just “I like that one, give it to me”. In retrospect, I probably should have added him on fb then immediately went in for the relationship request, just to see what he’d do. And then...
"Do you like Mexico?"
Why do I feel like this is a trap?
“damn girl your so fine! and since were fishing id love to reel you in”
– Why the selective use of punctuation? And, where are your appropriately placed CAPITAL LETTERS, damnit!?!?! And, seriously, B- for effort on the pickup line, dude. This is a dating website, not a dive bar.
Let me share with you a deep, dark secret
I internet date! EEP! Even as I write the words, I can actually feel the shame rise up and bubble to the surface. I don’t know why I feel like it’s my dirty laundry, but I do. I don’t judge other people for doing it and, in fact, I know a ton of people who do. But then, I just can’t seem to admit it, myself. My internet dating self is like a sleeping tiger. Well, not...